Depression doesn’t always look like depression
You may appear to be coping well, so other people have no idea how you really feel. Depression can sometimes feel like carrying an invisible weight. It can drain your energy and be difficult to explain, even to yourself.
Underneath, you may be carrying a weight that drains your energy and is difficult to explain, even to yourself. You may know that certain things have happened in your life, but perhaps you have learned to see them as normal. Other experiences may still feel too painful to think about or fully acknowledge.
Sometimes depression can be connected to feelings and experiences we have pushed aside in order to carry on. Therapy can help us begin to understand what has been weighing you down and why.
When There Was No Room for Sensitivity
No family is without its difficulties. We are all shaped by what came before us, and parents bring their own histories, fears and ways of coping into family life.
But what happens when home doesn’t feel safe? Perhaps there was conflict, anger or unpredictability. Or perhaps you were physically safe, but there was little room for your feelings or sensitivity.
Growing up, you may have been told you were “too sensitive” or “too much.” You may have learned to hide your vulnerability, toughen up or pretend things didn’t hurt.
Over time, this can create an inner split between who you really are and who you learned you needed to be.
It can leave you feeling as though there is something wrong with you, when perhaps you have spent years adapting yourself to the people and circumstances around you.
Shame – The Feeling That Hides in the Shadows
There’s a big difference between being told “your behaviour is wrong” and being made to feel “you are wrong.”
For many people, shame begins in childhood. You may have been teased, bullied, left out or laughed at. Perhaps you felt “less than” because you didn’t have what others had.
Shame can also pass through generations. It may never be openly discussed, but we can feel it in what a family doesn’t talk about. Also, how people relate to one another and the ways they learn to protect themselves.
Shame often becomes deeply hidden. We may hardly be aware of it, yet it can shape the way we speak to ourselves and how we respond to other people. It can also be intensely physical — a hot flush through the body, a desire to disappear, or a freezing sensation that shuts us down.
The aim isn’t necessarily to get rid of shame. We can begin by changing our relationship with it. When we become more compassionate towards ourselves and change the way we speak internally, shame becomes something we can acknowledge and understand rather than something we have to hide from.
Internal Relationship
Much of my work focuses on the relationship we have with ourselves. Life will always bring difficulties, conflict and uncertainty. We cannot control everything that happens around us, but we can change how we respond to it. Developing a calmer, more compassionate inner voice can help us stay grounded when other parts of us feel frightened, angry, ashamed or overwhelmed.
I sometimes think of it as an orchestra. There may be many different instruments playing, each with its own voice and purpose. Without a conductor, they can compete with one another and create chaos. The aim isn’t to silence the instruments, but to develop an inner conductor who can hear them all and help them work together.
Therapy for depression and Psychosynthesis
Psychosynthesis gave me a framework for understanding myself in a way that other approaches hadn’t. It took time – just as it takes time to get to know another person.
What became particularly important in my own personal work was compassion. I came to understand how difficult it can be to feel compassion towards ourselves, and I now put this at the heart of the work I do with clients.
That can sound simple, but in practice we can meet enormous resistance.
Psychosynthesis offers a way of understanding the different parts of ourselves rather than judging them or trying to get rid of them. One part may feel stuck while another feels guilty. One may desperately want to speak up while another fears what will happen if it does.
We can begin to get to know these different parts and understand what they are trying to protect. Parts that still carry shame can begin to recognise that much of what they took on as a child was never theirs to carry in the first place. With understanding and compassion, they can gradually be encouraged to let some of that shame go.
Over time, this can help us develop a more compassionate relationship with ourselves rather than remaining caught in an internal battle.
Many of the beliefs we carry about what we are allowed to feel, say or need began early in life. Understanding where they came from gives us the opportunity to question whether we still need to live by them.
Therapy for depression and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)
I have used EFT for many years, both personally and in my work with others. What continues to impress me is that something a person has struggled with for years can sometimes change to the point where, when we return to it later, they say, “Oh yes, that doesn’t seem to be an issue anymore.”
EFT can also be used in the moment. When you notice yourself becoming angry, irritated, fearful or anxious, you have something practical you can do rather than simply trying to think your way out of how you feel. Tapping can help settle the physical intensity of the response, allowing you to slow down, breathe and feel more grounded.
For me, this is one of the most valuable things about EFT. It is not something that only happens in the therapy room. Once you have learned the technique, you can use it yourself when you need it.
While EFT can bring surprisingly rapid changes, that isn’t always the case. Sometimes we need to work with different aspects of an experience or trauma slowly. A part of us may still be holding onto something because, for good reason, it doesn’t yet feel safe enough to let it go.
Rather than pushing past that resistance, we can become curious about it. We can begin to understand what that part is protecting and what it needs. Sometimes the work is not about trying harder to let something go, but developing enough safety and trust within ourselves for change to become possible.
First Step
You can either call or email me
I offer a free 15/20 minute conversation by phone.
We can discuss whether you would like to meet for an initial consult and if I think I can be of help to you. If I can, great and we can proceed but either way that first conversation comes at no cost and with no obligation. If not, then I might be able to recommend someone who may be more suitable.
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