Understanding Depression: A Journey Beyond Symptoms
Depression can feel like a complex maze, with countless paths leading to different explanations and advice. From genetics and environment to lifestyle factors, many influences seem to intertwine, making it difficult to understand the roots of your emotions. If you’ve sought help looking for counselling and therapy for depression, you’ve probably encountered familiar suggestions from doctors, therapists, and even social media influencers: medication, therapy, exercise, and mindfulness. But maybe there’s more to depression than just ticking boxes on a list of treatments or symptoms.
A Signal from Within
Depression isn’t always about feeling “down” or “unmotivated.” Sometimes, it feels like a signal, a call from within asking for attention, compassion, or understanding. Rather than just focusing on erasing symptoms, depression might be urging us to look deeper at parts of our lives that feel neglected or unfulfilled.
The Inner Parts: Understanding Our Subpersonalities
Psychologically, we’re not simply one “self” but a blend of various “inner parts,” often called subpersonalities. These parts have their own needs, desires, and fears, which often clash.
For example, one part of you might crave stability and safety, while another might long for excitement and change. This inner conflict can feel exhausting, draining our energy as we wrestle with choices and self-doubt.
How Inner Resistance Drains Us
Inner resistance is what happens when our different parts are at odds. Maybe one part of you believes a particular choice is “too risky” or “not safe”, a message you might have learned from a cautious parent.
At the same time, another part of you might resonate with stories of heroes who have faced challenges and won. This internal tug-of-war can trap us in cycles of indecision, procrastination, and self-doubt, sapping energy and clarity.
Self-Compassion: Listening to Your Inner Conflict
The first step to resolving these internal battles is self-compassion. By approaching our conflicting parts with kindness and curiosity, we create space to hear each side’s perspective. Think of it like standing in front of a brick wall instead of pushing against it. We can step back, examine it, and find another way through. Listening to each part, without judgment, often reveals the reasons behind our feelings, helping us understand ourselves on a deeper level.
Negotiating Between Inner Parts
Imagine acting as a mediator for your inner selves, giving each part a voice. When we approach each part as if it has something valuable to say, we can often find a middle ground or compromise. Sometimes, this means taking small steps in different directions to meet the needs of each part, reducing inner friction and restoring balance. This is not an overnight process it takes determination and practice.
Connecting with the “Higher Self”
In therapies like psychosynthesis, there’s a concept of the “Higher Self” or “Inner Observer”. This is a stable, compassionate part of us that exists beyond our conflicting inner parts, or subpersonalities.
I often refer to this stable inner presence as the “adult” part. The adult self knows how to navigate work, maintain relationships, and generally function in the world. It has developed the skills and resilience that our younger parts may not yet have, and so it can handle situations with a maturity and balance that younger parts find overwhelming.
When we’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s often because a younger part of ourselves is being activated. The younger parts don’t have the same resources or life experience as the adult self, so if they’re left to take charge, it’s easy to feel flooded with emotions or caught in cycles of doubt or insecurity. Reconnecting with our adult self, the part that can respond with compassion and understanding, helps us bring a grounded, mature perspective to our inner struggles, allowing us to feel more capable and steady in our lives.
Making Peace with Uncertainty
A major source of inner conflict comes from the desire for a “perfect” answer. However, just like in external relationships, our relationship with our inner parts will have its ups and downs. There will be moments of rupture, followed by moments of repair. Over time, we develop patience and compassion for each part, allowing us to listen more openly to ourselves.
Finding Wisdom in Inner Conflict
When we bring curiosity and self-compassion to our inner struggles, we start to uncover the wisdom within each part. This process helps us feel more integrated and energized, making it easier to make decisions that honour every aspect of who we are. Depression might be highlighting areas of life that need attention, urging us to explore our needs and build a more balanced, fulfilling life.
A Time to Reevaluate Life’s Path
Depression often emerges during times of loss or significant life changes, such as the passing of a loved one, an unexpected job loss, the end of a relationship, or even when children leave home. These moments disrupt our routines, shifting our sense of purpose or identity and triggering feelings of grief, emptiness, or loneliness.
When we experience a sudden loss, like the death of a family member or friend, it can leave us feeling blindsided, unable to make sense of the emotions that follow. Even when the loss is something we anticipated, like children leaving for college, the impact can be surprisingly intense.
While we can’t always prepare for what life throws at us, we can work on understanding and processing our present emotions, including feelings of anger, resentment, and sadness. By acknowledging these emotions rather than suppressing them, we build emotional resilience that can help us handle life’s challenges.
Healing Old Wounds
Depression can sometimes seem as though it is about loss or not feeling good enough but the roots are usually found in old wounds, unresolved traumas, or past regrets. These experiences shape how we see ourselves and the world and have created feelings of unworthiness, loneliness, or despair. Addressing these old wounds with compassion can lead to profound healing and self-acceptance.
An Opportunity for Self-Compassion and Acceptance
Depression often brings up feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt. As challenging as these emotions are, they can also open the door to self-compassion and acceptance. Learning to be gentle with ourselves, even during difficult times, can shift our relationship with ourselves in healing ways.
A Journey Toward Inner Strength and Resilience
Though the path through depression is tough, it can teach us resilience, patience, and self-awareness. By navigating this darkness, we develop strength and understanding that transforms us, helping us find meaning in hardship and empathy for others.
An Invitation to Explore Life’s Deeper Questions with Counselling and therapy for depression
For some, depression brings up existential questions about meaning and purpose. While these questions can feel overwhelming, they also invite us to explore new ways of understanding life. Whether through spirituality, creativity, or philosophy, we may discover renewed purpose and peace.
So, if you’re feeling lost or overwhelmed, consider that depression might be more than just something to “fix.” It could be an invitation to explore your inner world, uncovering hidden needs and questions. Though it’s not an easy journey, it may lead to profound transformation, helping you find a deeper sense of peace and self-understanding.
I believe that with the right support, everyone can build a fulfilling, balanced, and resilient life. If you’re ready to begin this journey, I’d be honored to work with you.
“The wounded inner child contaminates intimacy in relationships because he has no sense of his authentic self.
JOhn Bradshaw
The greatest wound a child can receive is the rejection of his authentic self.
When a parent cannot affirm his child’s feelings, needs, and desires, he rejects that child’s authentic self.
Then, a false self must be set up.”
Counselling and Therapy for depression in London Bridge SE1 and Online
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We can see if you would like to come for an initial consult and if I think I can be of help to you. If I can, great and we can proceed but either way that first conversation comes at no cost and with no obligation.
If not, then I might be able to recommend someone who may be more suitable.
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